Untouchable Fabric of Spirit

Oh this life that is not even my own
This untouchable fabric of spirit
Covered with fear and despair and sadness
I see it all so clearly yet I am trapped
In the noise of thought and word
Trapped in the whirl of doing this and that
But wanting so desperately to free myself
Of wanting more and of feeling less

All The Ugliness

I am not afraid anymore
I am not afraid of who I am
And all the ugliness that comes with me
I am not afraid to show you
That I am full of scars
And tears
And mistakes
I am not afraid of the heartache
That I have been witness to
It is part of me
And it is beautiful

Burn You Down

No one tells you that its going to hurt
That life’s sadness will pull you in
And burn you down until there is
Nothing left of who you used to be
Nothing remains of childhood frenzy
Full of dizzy laughter and flight
Its all been eaten up by the grief
That no one wants to tell you about
Hidden behind happy families who
Fight at night and feign smiles
During the revealing light of day

I am Not

I am not fucking brave
Or strong
I am a fucking mess
I am lost
And afraid
And lonely
And I just
Want to feel
Love again

Tired as Cold Coffee

Eight oclock and nothing feels good
I am surrounded by thick mud
Pulling my feet into the ground
And making the longest walk
Even longer
My hands are not even my own
They are just pushing my way
Through each day
They unlock the door and
Brush my teeth so
That at least it looks like
I am fine
But I am not fine
I am tired as cold coffee
And I am falling fast

Freedom of Nothingness

Take me off the world
Take me to where you are
To the freedom of nothingness
Take me far away from here
Because here is nowhere
That I want to be
Here is lost and fallen down
Here is enough sadness
To fill my lifetime
So take me away
Take me to be with you
But take me so soft
And take me so gentle
That I will not even know
That I am gone
Until I see your eyes
Looking into mine
And then I will know
That I am home once again.

Broken on the Highway

My heart got broken out on the highway
Rain spitting on the wheel and
Toxic fuel running through his veins
Leaving him broken and beaten up
And then everything was gone
Gone into nothingness and spirits
And freefalling like discarded ticket stubs
From an uncherished and forgotten memory
If only I could take your stumbling hands
And hold them steady to the road
Or take your heavy feet to solid ground
Where did you go my darling?
Why did you feel the need to wander
About on a rainy night full of broken teeth
And sharp edges and telephone poles?
To leave the little girl and to leave the
Lightness of Sunday mornings and
Hidden treasures and expectations
Into a world I never knew

Unmade Beds

what will I do with this broken life?
Full of unmade beds and half hearted hands
What will I do with space in my chest?
An empty space that longs for
Lightening and songs of Christ
What will I do with all this will?
The will of one who is not broken
But triumphant in every fallen promise
And rainy night time mistake
The will of my heart is what hurts me
If I only I were able to hang my head
And take on the sadness so that it
Covered every part of me
If only I were able to be the death
And live the death and nothing else
But I am triumphant searching for
Something I don’t’ know exists

Too Much Space

Too much space
And too many hours in
Every day filled with the
Noise of loneliness and loss
And the silence of hurt

I am stuck inside
Of a third world
A world of dried flowers
And uncooked meals
And unworn clothes

In between
your last Kiss
and
your last Breath.